Dream Boy

Boy  
The first time I saw you
It felt as though I was riding my first roller coaster
With a 108 foot drop
Straight down to the deepest places in my heart
I could not feel my body
Or sense that I even had one
I was head over heels
Tripping over carefully handpicked words
My tongue could not keep up with
Thoughts racing 7, 8, 9 steps ahead
Of what my brain could not yet process
You were nothing but a dream boy
Because that’s the only time I could visualize
Still framed photographs
The dye of black and white reminiscent cinemas
Staining the back of my irises
With you
Embracing me close to your body
Like I was the last thing you had left in this world
Like I would fly away
If you let the slightest bit of atmosphere come between us
But you were only a dream boy
A person I could befriend in reality
And a person I could love in my night time delusions of impracticality
I only let myself get close enough
To listen to you vent about your frustrations
Of life
And
Girls
But I comforted you with genuine words
In which I hid the key to their authentic meanings
Locking my feelings behind a black painted wooden door
Hearing them banging with brutal fists
Desperately yearning an escape
Because all I really wanted was to tell you
That I am an actress
Pretending to be the best friend you’ve ever had
Understanding your every meticulous dissatisfaction
So that I may be that much closer to your heart
That beats
Every time mine skips one
When I think about possibilities
Of what it could’ve been like if fate had aligned our stars together
Just for one solitary moment
And I wonder if it could have been just as magical
As combining my childhood enchanted story book fairy tales with Disneyland
Because not only were you something I knew would never be real
But you were also my happiest place on earth
Making me feel like the word “us” could be just as easy as riding a bike
Bringing joy to my fervent mind
Until reality sneaks up from behind and drags me out
Clawing the floor boards
Kicking
Screaming
All because I was this close to that favored part in my constant reverie
Where you would look at me
So deep into my eyes
That you would be able to see every detail of you and me
Etched into my irises
If only
You were anything but a dream boy