Pills

I take these pills

In hopes that some day
These diseases will flee not only my body but my mind.
This mentality has been instilled into my head
Like an epitaph for a headstone
I take these pills
Because day by day they make me weaker
But it’s ok because the doc said I’ll be fine
Though the chemicals infused in those pills
Become the cause of my already frail bones
I take these pills
So that my body can be intoxicated
With the promise of premature goodbyes
Only to feel the sulking souls of existence
Surround my very being
Insistent upon hearing the echo
Of those half immortal, putrid lies
I take these pills
Because I’m forced to realize
That these are the precious gems that keep me breathing
So I swallow these drugs
One by one
And wash them down with my heartbroken pride
In hopes that I will soon
Very soon
Break free from this invisible chain
That pins me down like a thousand knives
As I anticipate
My imposter’s course of action to incarcerate my brain
And as I wait
Every day
For some new symptom to arise
I mask my pain with a smile
And tell myself there is no room for sorrow
But I’m not allowed to wear that smile for long
Before fate appears behind a disguise
In which I am told to refrain myself from hoping for tomorrow
And sometimes I agree
And lower my head in defeat
Not wanting to live this agonizing life
Oh, but don’t you worry
Because sometimes fate can be a scheming bullshitter
And sometimes instead of agreeing I decide to fight
Until this illness
That attempts to debilitate me
No longer makes me bitter
So I’ll proceed to battle this
Accepting that my days will be filled with lows and highs
And I’ll stubbornly refuse to let these ailments get me down
Because I want my wounds to be healed
By my persistent motivated drive
So that I can wear my scars
With the same pride as wearing a graduation gown
I have excelled to a new level of hope and sense of relief
Because now I know the meaning to my existence
Which I am determined to strive
With a new hope in love and faith to extend my new belief
That I am a luscious lavender lupus butterfly
Spreading my wings to the skies